Tour 2010 - The Tour of the Rat

After the failed non-tour of 2009 this year saw the best ever turnout for tour which was a 3 day visit to Northamptonshire. The base for the tour was Kettering, a former market town that sits astride the A14 and A43. Somewhat past its best and like so many towns run down and a little worse for wear. Here is a summary of those 3 days!

With 17 in attendance it was the best attended tour ever and JULC was a busy boy in getting us set up in the Royal Hotel in the centre of town. With JULC in charge of accommodation Garsh took on the activity organiser, whilst one of the biggest successes had to be the tour shirts. Watneys came up trumps in not only in procuring a quality 20/20 shirt with logos and nicknames but also some rather nice 'gay bar' hats! Seriously it was a great result and getting them supplied FOC was so much the better - now that was a top result!!

The week leading up to the weekend of tour saw two big set backs. The playing side was planned to be 20/20 friday night, a game on Saturday and a game on Sunday. But come the Wednesday before and Isham, the saturday opponents cried off. I took the call around 5:00pm whilst at the Oval watching England vs the Aussies, chances of getting new opponents was slim. Then the following day we lost the Friday 20/20. Things appeared to falling apart just at the point everyone was getting geared up for it. Some hurried phone calls to Garsh with the news meant we had to re-jig our plans. For the 20/20 we had already had a back up plan which was to take a trip to Northampton to watch Northants vs. Yorkshire in the T20 competition. For the Saturday game we decided that with 17 players, if we could rope in a couple of local lads we could muster an intra club game, on similar lines to when we toured to Exmouth on the 'red shirt' tour and played at Cockwood before the England footie match. With golf set up for the Friday morning, for those who wanted to participate, all was in hand. All we needed now was for the weather to hold firm and we would be good to go

So, to the first morning of tour, and despite bright skies in the south, the clouds of doom were gathering further north, and reports back from the early risers who had arrived at the golf course to get some early practice reported a rather damp scene with further rain falling! Yet this doom ladened message soon proved to hold 'no water' (excuse the poor pun) as by the time the tee off times had arrived the clouds were starting to brighten and other than a light shower the golf was not interupted by the weather. The side was split into 2 groups of four - the so called experts of Watneys, Lego, JULC and Clubber - and then Perspex, Garsh, Angel Dust and Jethro. The opening drives were passable....then Watneys stepped up and un-sheafed the biggest booming driver you have every seen and he then launched a monster drive! It flew and flew and flew.....right into the driving range next door! Imagine one of Watneys big booming cover drives played on the up - thats what this was, save with a golf ball instead. The second groups shots were a little more conservative. Garsh and Perspex - hitting nice drives, Angel Dust and Jethro topping the ball but the dry surface taking care of carrying it on its way to hole. The rounds passed of without much drama - although Garsh did  go flirting with a pond at one stage but the course was fairly forgiving and most got round without losing much other than their reputations! (JULC slipping down the leader board hole by hole!!!). There was some confusion on which hole the 'nearest the pin' and 'longest drive' competitions were being held - Garsh's attempt to be subtle in his communication (shouting and waving) with the other group brought looks of contempt from Perspex and lots of tut tutting and comments about the etiquette of golf

Back in the clubhouse the first beers of tour were downed to wash down the lunch of sandwiches and chips, after which the scores were totted up and revealed - SHOCK!!! JULC had not won, in fact he had a total disaster of a round and was only sat mid table! The winners, and I stress that point 'winners' were Lego and Garsh - but then some ruling about 'count back' came into play after which Lego was deemed the winner, much to the astonishment of Garsh

 

 

We then headed off to Kettering to check into the hotel - after some misleading driving around the one way system everyone ended up at the Royal hotel where we found Space and Murph (Butterbean) comfortably sat in the bar watching some footie. After JULC had sorted out the rooming arrangements Watneys arrived with the box with the shirts and caps. Soon the bar was adorned with guys dressed like bees! It was not long before more lads started to arrived and Steamer and Smut joined the gang. Whilst arrangements for two 8 seat cabs were made to ferry us to Northampton's ground and Angel Dust did some shrewd negoiations with regards to ticket prices into the T20 game the beers were flowing and the Dutch were winning the footie. The barmaid kept leaning on the Sky remote and turning over the TV and after we guessed about every name you could think of to attract her attention - we kept her buzy as the whip started to get whittled down. Around 5:00pm we amassed on the street outside to wait for our cabs for the short journey to Northampton. Upon arrival Angel Dust made arrangements to leave two tickets at the gate for Pyscho and Nange who were hot footing it up from the smoke. Meanwhile Bish was delayed in some dreaded meeting and was not going to make the early evening entertainment. As we entered the ground Space announced our arrival by chanting "YORKSHIRE, YORKSHIRE" at the top of his voice, ensuring that if a bunch of guys in matching black and yellow tops were not spotted then we surely would be by up setting the gentile folk of Northampton. Once in the ground we made our way to the beer hut and merrily queue up to buy a allocation of 4 pints each - meanwhile Lego and Garsh took position by the nets, where they duly gave some 'chat' to the batsman...enough to see him bowled!

 

We a prime position found in the ground - someone decided our spot at 'cow' was the most likely to get a ball hit into the crowd we settled down to the game...and I dont mean the T20, I meant trying not to get caught drinking with your right hand. It was not long before people started to exit the seats around us as the language got not only louder but more coarse! Space was soon yellow carded, and almost immediately red carded for a second offence. Time spans between trips to the bar seemed to get shorter and shorter - as did the length of time between people being asked to release another 10 bar from the wallets toward the 'whip'. The cricket seemed to play second fiddle the serious business in the stands, we were all looking forward to 'Tino' getting revved up and unleashing some venomous deliveries - (sorry I should point our I meant our 'tino' pouring pints of Old Speckled down his neck rather than Tino Best who was a on duty for Yorkshire). Due to the restriction on 4-pints-a-person it meant whenever more beer was required we needed to send 4 lads to go get. JULC managed to queue for a 'dog meat' burger whilst others waited in the beer line - and Smut was able to engage in some hog roast which bore very little resemblance to anything that once had trotters.

 

 

 

 

 

The professionals show how it should be done 

 

After the crowds had thinned we worked our way back to the exit, unfortunately we had booked cabs for 10:30, and the the time was only just before 10! Had we explore just 20 yards to our left we would have found a 'battle cruiser' where we could have taken on some beverages. As it was the first group managed to get away just around 20 mins later whilst the second group had to wait beyond 10:30 for the cab to turn up by which time we looked a strange and rather bedraggled sight clad in our 'bee' tops and shorts. As the first cab made its way back to Kettering Watneys was doing his best to keep the contents of his guts from emptying all over the cab floor - several times he was swallowing hard as the billious bile tickled his tonsils. Finally we all made it back to the hotel, where we sought advice on where to find a good curry house. Most of the recommendations we had we to a place 10 mins walk away...or we could walk the 2 mintues to the one just down the road. Needless to say the two mintue option sounder more attractive - but we should have guessed by how empty it was that it was the wrong choice. Windy finally turned up and joined us, but it all turned into the usual tour curry - plenty of foul gutter swilling language - absue of the waiters - food throwing and overall general rabble rousing. Watneys trundled in about half way through, now having lost his stomach contents, needless to say he was up for eating much, to be honest we were all happy that he didnt. As early morning ticked round the group split with some heading for the hotel bar and some more beer, whilst those up for it went to find some action, which given this was Kettering was a little short in supply - but rest assured Nange and Pyscho managed to DYEP!!! 

Butterbean and Lego exchange masonic handshakes in the Curry house

Everyone managed to make breakfast the next morning, which was to everyone's credit even if the room was a little quiet. Some time was killed with explority walks round the local town, the sun was out and the shoppers were greeted by the 'bee' clad tourists out shopping for essential items or visits to the cash points to gather more wonger as most had spent their entire spending money on the first night. The team eventually gathered in the bar where upon Lego announced that for personal reasons he was unable to stay and was heading back home...1 down, but he was supllmented by the arrival of the Borg. We headed off to the local bowling alley, where some engaded in some 10-pin, others hit the arcade machines and in the depths of the building others contrated on the pool table. Of course the beer was soon flowing, and with it the ever vigilant 'drinks referees' were looking out for victims not drinking with the correct hand. Down on the bolwing alley Jethro was happily drinking away with the wrong hand, suddenly he realised and seeing his bowling colleagues all focused on the game, slowely and quietly place the pint down on the side confident he had not been spotted! However, up on the balcony, the 'police' were watching every move - suddenly the referee's whistle rang out and much the to merriment of Butterbean, Nange and Space Jethero was bang to rights!

 

Clubber Lang showed good fom on the 10-pin

arcade games were more up the street of the Borg and Watneys

Alotted time up, the troops were rounded up and we headed back to the hotel in readiness for the afternoons big inter club match. We arrived at Ketterings ground and headed over to the back pitch where the teams were announced, one Skippered by Jethro (Kings) and the other by Space (Presidents). Jethro's team batted first and in no time were making good progress as Windy climbed into some big shots off Pyscho. Now along side one of the boundaries was a small river, hidden in a sizeable ditch, shielded by some trees. Needless to say it was not long before Windy safely deposited one straight into the ditch. Fortunately we were playing with a pink ball, so it was easy to see the ball nestling on the side of the bank. However there was to be no stopping Pyscho, with this whites rolled up he jumped in boots and all into the river to retrieve the ball from the ditch - only he could end up in a river when there was no need to do so. The first innings ended without further drama, other than taking the toll on the Presidents team which were ball chasing on a hot sunny afternoon. We enjoyed a welcoming and wonderful tea before heading back for the second innings. Kings strategy was to get the weaker bowlers out the way first in what turned out to be a master stroke. Danger men Watneys and Nange both getting out, but only after Nange straight drove Jethro back onto the bowlers shin - which ultimately led to a large blood blister forming the size of a small tomatoe. Its funny how tour always seems to bring unusual shin injuries - one remembers another Garsh breaker a golf putter and the head of the club flying into the shin of Ginge! Further wickets tumbled and with then run rate rising the scorebaord pressure told and Kings ran out winners.

Jethro explains the format of the game - Space and Pyscho appear to be resigned to defeat before the game started

Pyscho shows the evidence of his paddle in the river!

Thankfully a rare event - Jethro let lose with the ball, two wickets later he was the one smiling

Nange managed to plant one Jethro's shin!

Watneys hits out......

....but can only pick out Steamer!

On a warm pleasant sunny evening we sat around the clubhouse drinking beer into the night. Some started to filter back to the hotel and then out looking for trouble - which some duly found. Smut ran into some verbal abuse on his way back, whilst those in the drinking establishments certainly were causing a stir. Jethro and Windy stayed down the clubhouse till being kicked out and worked their way back to the hotel where upon they were engaged in conversation with the doorman, who was telling of his woes of being kicked out of the army. At this point Butterbean hung out his window above and tried to explain to the doorman that if the smoke alarm went off it was because he was having a hot shower - and nothing to do with a smoke filled haze that may be generated!

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